Six Year Cancer Survivor

     I am celebrating my sixth year as a cancer survivor.  When I was given a "Cancer Free" diagnosis on December 27, 2004, I was ecstatic.  This thrill was short lived because five weeks later, we received my husband  Tom's diagnosis of terminal lung cancer.  

   

     My joy turned to feelings of fear, worry and stress.  Tom survived for fifteen months.  When he died I not only felt intense grief, but an overwhelming sense of guilt.  Why had I survived my cancer and he did not?  There is no answer to that question.  It has taken me over four years to finally let go of my guilt.

     I know that Tom would want me to live my life the best that I can.  I know he would want me to find some happiness, even in his absence.   Some days this is a difficult task, but I am working at making my life the best I can.  

     I embrace family and friends with a new sense of value.  I enjoy the beauty that nature has to offer and  have a renewed sense of the things I value.  I have done a lot of soul searching and I am dedicating myself to reaching out to others in a way that will not only benefit them, but myself as well.

    My hope is that by sharing my expereinces with others, not only with coping techniques, but also my reflections of my experiences, that they too will find happiness and joy along there journey through life.

     

Holidays and Grief

            Holidays are definitely difficult times when a loved one is missing due to death.  This will be my fourth Christmas without my husband.  As I put up my tree, I think of the many trees we have had in the past and I smile.  Some of those trees have such wonderful stories. 

            We have a 16” vaulted ceiling and decided to put up a very tall tree, a fourteen foot one.  We had to buy a new tree stand that could accommodate such a large tree.  My ornament collection and lights sustained a six-foot tree, so additional items had to be bought.  It was a lovely tree.  One year we strung popcorn of which my 15-month-old twins proceeded to eat, right off the tree!

            Remembering a loved time can be sorrowful, that is true, but it can also be comforting to remember the Christmas’ gone by.  To remember my husband, each year a put up a new duck ornament with “In Memory Of Tom” written on it and the year.  I also write him an annual Christmas letter telling him about the past year and how much I still miss him.  When I visit his grave, I ceremoniously burn the letter so the message can make its way to him.  This may seem silly to some, but it helps me cope with his loss, especially at Christmas.

  I hug my children and family members, with a warm embrace, allowing their love for me to help ease the pain.

Life's Melting Pot

Melting pot is a metaphor for heterogeneous which has a Greek origin meaning different kinds or composed of different parts.  In today’s society if has come to mean bringing together many nationalities, especially in the United States.

Melting pot is also a process in which distinct elements are brought together to produce something new.

Life’s melting pot consists of many different parts or elements.  As they come together, they create something new, our lives.  Our lives have a beginning: at birth, a journey: our daily lives and an end: our death.

The many elements that come together in our lives consist of family, friends, employment, health, activities and monetary gain. Some we have control over and others we do not.  The only control we have is how we react to these elements and the decisions we make regarding them.

My life has been very diverse with joys and sorrows.  I have been a wife, a mother, a journalist, business owner, cancer survivor, disabled and a widow.

I have had a wealth of experiences.  Some of these experiences are pure happiness and joy.  Others have been overwhelming and devastating.  My goal is to share my life’s melting pot with others in an effort to a supply helpful information and support from my knowledge and from my experiences.