Widow Learning To Live Alone - Living Alone - Part Two

            Loneliness can become overwhelming once you become a widow or widower who live alone.  I miss my husband every day, even though it has been five years now.  The house seems too big and empty and quiet.

            In my first part of Living Alone,  I briefly touched on the subject of adjusting to nighttime fears and loneliness.  The first year of being alone I was in fear of an intruder into my home.  When my husband was alive, I never thought about it.  I never had any fear about it.  I wasn't alone.

            There are sounds in the house that are familiar.  The furnace kicking in, the water pump, the refrigerator and the normal creaks the house makes as the wind blows or the house settles.  I find these sounds comforting because they are familiar.  This is the main reason I do not have the TV or radio on at night.  I want to feel comfort from the familiar sounds. 

            The other reason I do not have a TV or radio on is that I want to hear the sounds in my house, an out of ordinary sound would be covered by these sounds.  If someone is breaking into my house I want to know it.

            Most of the first year I changed my sleep scheduled and spent most of the night watching TV.  I do not work and on disability so I was able to do this.  I felt less threatened by an intruder during daytime hours of which I slept.  I did change that pattern and now sleep at night and have day hours for activities.

            I do not use a light at night, except a very low wattage in the bathroom.  My theory is that I don't want an intruder to be able to see to get around my house.  I have a flashlight at the head of my bed so if I hear a noise, I will have light to see.  As I mentioned, I keep a can of hornet/wasp spray by my bed.  I own a gun, but I cannot see myself shooting anyone so it would be useless for me to have one for that purpose.

            I also have a phone so I can quickly call emergency if I feel threatened.  I also place those small contact alarms on my doors.  They make a horrible noise if the contact is broken when a door is opened.  I also keep my car keys handy.  I have a panic button on the keys which sounds an alarm on my car.  I tested it and it does go off when I push the button from my bedroom.

            Another way to feel more secure is to invest in a home alarm system.  These can include fire, intruder and emergency medical help.  I carry my cell phone with me at all times so if I do fall down I can call someone to come and help or to call emergency services.

            Learning to live alone is very emotional and life changing, but so is the loss of a spouse.  The first year living alone is the hardest.  There are so many others changes and adjustments we have to make when we lose our most precious loved one, but time does heal, slowly, but it does heal.

Cancer In The Family Déjà vu - Part Two - My Dad and Hospice Care

            Yes, caring for my father is difficult.  My late husband died from lung cancer five years ago. While I was still in recovery from my cancer, my son and I cared for him at home until he died.  The memories of his care are flooding back to me as I prepare to care for my father, who too, has lung cancer.  I know the challenges ahead and I am full of fear as to whether I can provide the intimate and exhausting care he will need.  .

            My older sister told us three younger sisters to institutionalize both parents.  It would be easier on us.  True, but end of life is so permanent.  Once my dad dies, like my husband, he is gone forever.

            I know not everyone is able to deal with home health care and home hospice care, but I know that I would want this for me, as did my husband.  I want the same end care for my father.  The past few months have been overwhelming especially since my parents won't relocate for my dad's care.  I know there are many sacrifices, and yes, it is temporary. 

            When the idea of providing home health care and then Hospice care was discussed a while back, I was in favor of it.  Now, I am reluctant as I did not realize the memories of caring for my late husband would haunt me. Taking care of my dad at their home, over 100 miles from everyone who could care for them, has proven to be a big hardship on us.

            The discussion was to provide the care at my house.  I am leery of this as I feel the bulk of the burden will fall on me.  I am not prepared to do this.  Going through home hospice care a second time for another person I love very much seems to great of a burden to bare.  I am undecided at this time.  Agreeing to provide hospice care is a great responsibility and it will give you memories you may not want, for the rest of your life.

            As I look back at the time with my late husband, I do not know where my strength came from.  As I look forward to the care for my father, I do not know if I can once again find that kind of strength.  As my dad's time for hospice care grows near, I will update you on what we decide.  .